The Longest Parody of My Life
by truetabularasa
Summary: A parody of all 24 seasons to date. Will conclude with the 24 movie. First season: Teri is annoying, Kim whines, Nina sleeps with all, and Jack is high and mighty.
1. Midnight1:00am

**A/N: So, this is my parody of 24. Some things may not make sense, but that's the whole point of a parody. Here is my one and only disclaimer: I don't own 24 and don't claim to own it.**

Midnight-1:00a.m

Jack Bauer's voice is heard: The following takes place between Midnight and 1 a.m. on the day of the California Presidential Primary. Events occur in real time.

Shot of KUALA LUMPUR in BROAD DAYLIGHT.

AUDIENCE: Um, that's not exactly what it looks like at midnight in California. Unless it's some sort of weird eclipse.

A suspicious looking man is going through the huge CROWD of PEOPLE. This man is VICTOR ROVNER. VICTOR enters a SHADY LOOKING BUILDING. He OPENS a LAPTOP.

AUDIENCE: Ooh, he's a spy on some sort of mission!

VICTOR makes a PHONE CALL.

GUY ON OTHER END OF PHONE: Hello, may I take your order?

VICTOR: Yeah, I'd like a large cheese pizza with a side order of Presidential Candidate Assassination plot. Express order please.

GUY ON OTHER END OF PHONE: Thank you.

VICTOR: And here concludes my role in _24. _I will never be heard of again, and when fans buy the DVD, they'll be like 'oh yeah, that one guy!'

MEANWHILE, the show takes a BREAK from the ACTION and EXCITEMENT to MINGLE with the PLEASANTRIES of LIFE.

RICHARD WALSH: Now, it really _is _midnight, but things still don't entirely make sense, because I'm sure the audience is wondering what the hell I'm doing at a dinner party at midnight.

AUDIENCE: Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

WALSH'S phone RINGS.

WALSH: Buddy the elf, what's your favorite color?

GUY ON OTHER END OF PHONE: Boss, we got a problem.

WALSH: Of course we do…

GUY ON OTHER END OF THE PHONE: Rovner just called in an order of extra cheese and an order of Presidential Candidate Assassination Plots.

WALSH: So, what's the problem?

GUY ON THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE: We're out of cheese.

WALSH: Dammit. Call in CTU.

GUY ON THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE: Sir?

WALSH: What?!

GUY ON THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE: I called you, and you're sort of, you know Division director. _You _call in CTU. I'm going on vacation.

MEANWHILE, in DAVID PALMER'S PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN QUARTERS, SHERRY PALMER is walking with TEA or COFFEE or SOMETHING.

AUDIENCE: Gasp! Presidential Candidate! That woman must be carry coffee rigged with a bomb!

The SCENE shows DAVID PALMER on the PATIO.

DAVID PALMER: I have one quality by which people will remember me: I'm really tall.

PATTY: I have two traits by which people will remember me: I'm short, and I have bad hair.

SHERRY: Coffee anyone?

AUDIENCE: NO! Don't take the bomb!

PALMER takes the COFFEE.

PALMER: This tastes funny. Did you put something in it darling?

SHERRY: No, oh wonderfully tall husband of mine.

AUDIENCE: Of course. This is just like 'who shot J.R?' Except this time, it was the wife, and not the mistress.

PALMER: Seems to have more of a kick than usual.

SHERRY: Well, I used Folgers instead of Colombia.

PALMER: Ah, that's it!

PATTY: This occasion is historic!

PALMER: That sounds like we're having brunch.

PATTY: That makes no sense at all…

PALMER: I disagree. What do you think honey?

SHERRY: I tend to agree with Patty. Since when is brunch historic?

PALMER: Eh, whatever. You going to bed?

SHERRY: I'm going to write some thank you's.

PALMER: Why? Who are you thanking? No holidays passed recently that I recall.

SHERRY: Um, I don't know.

MEANWHILE in the BAUER house, our HERO, hereby known as JACK, and our DAMSEL IN DISTRESS, hereby known as KIM are introduced. They are playing CHESS.

KIM: I'm beating you daddy. That's just sad.

JACK: Bah! Who has time to play chess when you're saving the world?

KIM: Apparently you do.

JACK: Oh.

KIM: I hate _her. She _makes me cringe.

JACK: If you're talking about your darling mother, I'd appreciate it if you'd call her by her name.

KIM: Why? You knew who I was talking about anyway. Besides, it's rude to call your parentals by their names. How would you feel if I called you Jack all the time?

JACK: I meant call her Mom.

KIM: That's not her name though…I'll just call her _she, her, _and any other rude and offending pronoun I can think of.

JACK: Ugh, you're giving me a headache. Go to bed.

As KIM heads to her room, she PASSES the MOST ANNOYING CHARACTER in the HISTORY OF _24, _hereby known as TERI.

TERI: Goodnight Kimberly.

KIM: Um, yeah, like, what_ever_.

JACK: She still giving you a hard time?

TERI: I don't know when I became the enemy.

JACK: Gee, I don't know. Maybe when you kicked me out?

TERI: I guess she's just a typical teenager. Trivial things bother her.

JACK: Oh, I see, I'm trivial.

There is an AWKWARD PAUSE.

JACK: Let's go talk to Kim. If she's insulting you, she's insulting me too.

TERI: Aw, I appreciate it.

They engage in loving banter that is so pointless and so puke-worthy that we'll pretend it never happened. They enter KIM'S room, to find that she is NOT THERE.

JACK RUNS TO THE WINDOW.

JACK: KIM!!!!!!!!

The BAUER NEIGHBORS: Hey buddy, thanks for waking us up!

JACK: She snuck out.

TERI: No dip Sherlock.

JACK: Nobody sneaks out on Jack Bauer!

KIM in brief cameo: Well, I did.

The PHONE RINGS. TERI ANSWERS.

TERI: Oh, hi Nina. How _are _you darling?

JACK: Give me the phone Teri.

TERI hands the phone to JACK.

JACK: So, um, Nina, I told you not to call anymore. It's too risky, what with my wife living here and all.

NINA: Yeah, whatever, come into CTU. Pronto.

JACK: I didn't know you were Spanish.

NINA: I picked it up from Tony.

JACK: _Excuse me?! _

NINA: Oh, um, never mind.

JACK: I think I should fire you and Tony. No office relationships under _my _direction.

NINA: I see.

OUTSIDE THE BAUER HOUSE, JACK calls KIM'S EX-BOYFRIEND, VINCENT.

VINCENT: I'm obviously no good. Why the hell did Jack let his daughter date me?

JACK: I wonder the same thing. Are you planning on seeing Kimberly?

VINCENT: I sound high. And what's with the full name usage all of a sudden? Everyone calls me Vinny, you know that.

JACK: I hate you.

VINCENT: The feeling is mutual.

MEANWHILE, we discover where KIM is. She is with her friend, JANET.

KIM: Yep, I'm a typical teenager. Sneaking out with my friend.

JANET: Hi!

KIM: We're sneaking off to a furniture store!

AUDIENCE: Oh, um, that's…interesting.

JANET: Dan works there!

Like anybody CARES.

JANET: We're meeting guys.

KIM: Like I said, typical teenager.

JACK is ON HIS WAY to CTU. He stops at a STOPLIGHT, since that is the point of a STOPLIGHT. A bus STOPS alongside him, with a big picture of DAVID PALMER giving the worst fake smile in the world and waving, with the slogan "With Palmer for President, you're in good hands."

JACK CALLS NINA.

NINA: Helloooo.

JACK: Yo. What's this about?

NINA: What makes you think I'm going to tell you _now_? Hang on, was your wife listening on the Bluetooth extension again?

JACK: I wouldn't put it past her.

They HANG UP and JAMEY FARRELL comes to COMPLAIN to NINA.

JAMEY: Ugh, how long is this gonna take? I like, have a life you know.

NINA: Glare. I want to kill you.

JAMEY: Whatever. You wouldn't kill the best programmer CTU has.

NINA goes to talk to TONY.

NINA: Do you know what the hell is going on?

TONY: No.

NINA: What a surprise.

JACK is now in the CTU PARKING LOT.

JACK: I sped on my way here, because I'm awesome. No one dares pull over Jack Bauer. Time to call my _lovely _wife.

TERI: For some reason, it's your fault the world is in jeopardy and our daughter's missing.

JACK: Remind me again why I married you.

TERI: You were drunk.

JACK: That would explain it.

JACK walks into CTU.

JACK: Who's here?

NINA: Everyone.

JACK: Really? I don't see my daughter here. I don't see Chapelle. I don't see Palmer. I don't see Jimmy Stewart.

NINA: Everyone: metaphorically speaking.

JACK: _Oh. _

JACK addresses TONY.

JACK: Tony, run up everyone on David Palmer's staff.

TONY: NO! I care about our image.

JACK: Of course. Our image will be wonderful if someone kills the President-to-be.

KIM and JANET ARRIVE at the FURNITURE STORE.

DAN: I'm clearly evil, in a stupid, I don't know what I'm doing kind of way.

RICK: I'm just stupid.

KIM: Hi. You must be Rick. I know this because I'm psychic.

RICK: Well, _helloo gorgeous. _

KIM: Aw shucks.

Together, they ENTER the STORE.

JANET: JANET-ATTACK! RAR!

KIM: AH!

DAN: Heh, heh, heh.

RICK: Hee hee hee.

Back in CTU MAUREEN KINGSLEY IS REPORTING on a REALLY BIG SCREEN.

MAUREEN KINGSLEY: I start a subplot soon. Yay me!

JACK is TALKING in the PHONE.

JACK: Hey Frank. I'm embarrassed because my daughter snuck out on me. I mean, no one sneaks out on Jack Bauer. Anyway, I will send her vitals over so you can keep an eye out for her.

JACK HANGS UP and PROCEEDS ABOUT HIS BUSINESS without sending over KIM'S VITALS. RICHARD WALSH ENTERS THE BUILDING.

WALSH: Hi Jack. We are friends. I play favorites. I have a walrus mustache. I'm another guy that people will forget about when they buy the DVD.

At the IMPORTANT CTU MEETING.

WALSH: Someone has ordered up a side order of Presidential Candidate Assassination Plots.

NINA: Gasp!

JACK: I was right.

TONY: Dammit! Jack was right! Grr. Hatred. Lots of it.

JACK: The security must be difficult to bypass.

WALSH: Very. Not even Jack Bauer could bypass it.

JACK: Well, let's not go that far…

NINA'S eyes DART BACK AND FORTH suspiciously.

NINA: Um, yeah, who on _earth _would want to kill Palmer?

WALSH: I don't know.

WALSH proceeds to give orders.

WALSH: Jack, I need to talk to you.

JACK: Ok.

WALSH: Someone in the agency is _evil! _

JACK: Gasp. Let's make a list of who it could possibly be: Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, and, um, oh yeah! Tony.

WALSH: What about Nina?

JACK: No. She's too trustworthy.

WALSH: You?

JACK: Um, no.

WALSH: I trust you Jack.

On an AIRPLANE.

MARTIN BELKIN: Don't I just ooze Palmer Assassination Plot?

MANDY: La de da. I'm just a casual extra.

At the PALMER HOTEL SUITE. PATTY'S CELL RINGS.

PATTY: Hello. Oh, hello Martin you man who oozes Palmer Assassination Plot!

MARTIN: Are we still on for Presidential Assassinations?

PATTY: Yep, meet Secret Service at seven.

MANDY, the unimportant EXTRA decides it's time to HIT ON MARTIN.

MANDY: You're meeting Palmer?

MARTIN: Yep. I'm going to be taking some _pictures _of him. Wow, don't I sound evil. I guess the audience has this all figured out.

MANDY: Yes, I'm sure they do.

BACK AT CTU.

NINA: I am jealous, because Walsh isn't telling me what's going on!

JACK: Sorry, although I trust you implicitly, I still can't tell you what's going on.

NINA: Darn.

TERI CALLS.

TERI: Hey, do you remember me? Your _wife?! _

JACK: Oh yeah! How are ya Mary?

TERI: _Teri. _

JACK: Oh, I knew that Barry.

AUDIENCE: Ew, Barry.

TERI: Anyway, I found three joints in Kim's desk.

JACK: Well, what do you expect? She's a teenager.

TERI: Sigh, if only we could get into her computer.

NINA: Haha, Jack's got family problems!

At the FURNITURE STORE…

KIM AND RICK ARE TALKING.

KIM: Blah blah, surfing, beach. My father's dead.

AUDIENCE: Um, _what? _

RICK: Oh, _dude _that's a bummer. Where's Gaines's twenty grand going?

BACK at CTU, where all the ACTION apparently TAKES PLACE. MASON has ARRIVED.

MASON: Jack! I'm an ambitious jerk. Hooray for me!

JACK: I'm a blackmailing jerk. Hooray for me!

MASON: I secretly want Palmer to die! Too bad for Allstate!

JACK: I'm learning to play the game of education!

MR. SILBER: Hooray! Snap, snap.

JACK: You want some coffee?

MASON: Nah. You don't sound suspiciously happy or anything.

24 fans will soon LEARN that when JACK IS HAPPY, JACK IS LYING.

JACK FETCHES A TRANQUILIZER GUN.

JACK: Boo yah!

NINA: People should be able to tell that I'm evil. A good worker would _not _stand by and watch their boss go insane. Unless, of course, you're Chloe O'Brian.

AT the BAUER HOUSE, the PHONE RINGS, and TERI promptly BREAKS a cup of TEA.

TERI: Dammit.

TERI answers the PHONE.

ALAN YORK: Hello. I'm just magically calling you, because I'm wonderful.

TERI: I don't know you, but the fact that both our daughters are missing creates an instant bond.

ALAN: I don't look anything like Janet, but that doesn't say anything, because you look nothing like Kim.

At CTU, NINA has got something IMPORTANT for JACK, but it's ENCRYPTED and she CAN'T get around it. Perhaps she shouldn't be working at CTU.

JACK: Get Tony on it.

NINA: He'll need a reason.

JACK: Psht, I know you're sleeping together.

NINA: Um, have you been stalking me _again? _

JACK: It's not like that…

NINA: I'm flattered. I shall now become randomly offended. It's all about me.

TERI in a brief cameo: Hey, that's my tagline!

NINA goes to get TONY to do what JACK wants.

TONY: Are you still sleeping with Jack?

NINA: Wow, you sure know how to get to the point.

TONY: Answer the question.

NINA: Um…

TONY: How come you and I have like, no chemistry together?

NINA: I know. It's so obvious I'm just using you.

JACK approaches JAMEY.

JACK: I want you to get the password for my daughter's computer.

JAMEY: My forte.

JAMEY gets the PASSWORD.

JAMEY: Now I can hack into your computers!

JACK calls TERI.

JACK: I got her password. Not anyone else, just me!

TERI: Yes, I know. No one can possibly do this kind of stuff except you. There, ego stroked. Give me the damn password.

JACK: I Hate _Her. _One word.

TERI: Hm, she must have gotten into a fight with Janet or something.

BACK at the FURNITURE STORE, KIM and RICK continue to FLIRT.

KIM: So, Rick, I know we haven't known each other very long but…

RICK: Oh hell with it!

They KISS.

KIM: Where are they?

RICK: They're trying out the bed.

KIM: This is awkward.

RICK: I pity who actually buys it. I hope Dan puts up a sign that says slightly used.

MEANWHILE, on the PLANE.

MANDY: Flirt flirt.

MARTIN: Drunkeness. Here, I'll show you a picture.

MANDY proceeds to not look at it.

MANDY: Beautiful.

At the PALMER SUITE.

SHERRY: I love you!

DAVID: I love you too!

SHERRY: You are grumpy. Of course, I say this in a sweet, loving wife type way. Not a you just threw a vase way.

DAVID: I would never throw a vase at you.

PATTY WALKS IN.

PATTY: It's Maureen Kingsley.

DAVID: Shouldn't she be sleeping?

PATTY: The media never sleeps.

DAVID TAKES THE PHONE.

DAVID: This better be good. Oh, I see. I'll just talk about something important and help in the introducing of the subplot for later in the season.

SHERRY walks up to DAVID and asks him what's WRONG. He closes a door on her.

SHERRY: Oh, I see how it is.

At the BAUER HOUSE.

TERI: Hello Alan. Remember me? Kim and Janet are going to a furniture store.

ALAN: Oh. I wonder how the beds are.

OUTSIDE THE FURNITURE STORE.

DAN: Party!

JANET: Fairly drunk acting.

KIM: I've suddenly become responsible.

RICK: We'll take you home.

DAN: Of _course _we will.

In the AIRPLANE BATHROOM.

MANDY AND MARTIN ARE MAKING OUT.

MANDY: Um, what's your name?

In JACK'S OFFICE.

JACK: I've always wanted to slap Mason! Yay! Wake up punk!

MASON: What?

JACK: Sometimes you got to ask yourself. Do you feel lucky?

MASON: Not particularly.

JACK: Blackmail!

Back on the AIRPLANE, MANDY is talking to a FLIGHT ATTENDANT.

MANDY: Excuse me ma'am, would you mind terribly if I stabbed you with this sharp thing that I magically got onto this plane?

FA: What?

MANDY STABS FA.

MANDY: Time to blow up the plane. Whee! This is fun! I get sucked out! Yay me! And I do it so precisely too.

AUDIENCE: Our faith in stereotypes has been shaken.

AT CTU, JACK IS TALKING TO TERI.

JACK: It's me.

TERI: Turn left at the light.

JACK: HUH?!

TERI: I'm yelling for no reason!

ALAN: Ow, my ears.

JACK goes to NINA.

JACK: Cover for me. I'm a concerned husband/father.

TONY: Jack.

JACK: _What?! _

TONY: Gee, don't sound so thrilled.

JACK: What do you want?

TONY: A plane just blew up randomly. We learned about it quickly.

JACK: Life sucks, one word.

In the HIPPIE VAN, KIM is WHINING.

KIM: I want to go _home. _

DAN: Shut up.

IN the SKY.

MANDY: Whee!

**A/N: Please review. I do reply to reviews. So ask me questions about things that may not have made sense, and I'll answer them.**


	2. 1:00am 2:00am

**Sorry for taking five thousand years to write this, but I lost faith in 24 after season six, but now I'm almost into it again. And these chapters are really long. Enjoy. Don't forget to review.**

**1:00a.m-2:00a.m**

Jack Bauer: The following takes place between 1:00 A.M. and 2:00 A.M. on the day of the California presidential primary. Events occur in real time. That took about thirty seconds of time in which you could've been enjoying the episode.

MANDY has just PARACHUTED from a BLOWN UP PLANE.

MANDY: Remember me?

CHANGE OF SCENE.

MANDY: Well, fine, be that way!

NINA is TRYING to reach WALSH.

NINA: Walsh isn't answering his party line. Weird. He's always waiting eagerly by that line.

JACK: The plane is the work of TERRORISTS! Or something.

TONY: How do you figure that?

JACK: Because I know everything. I'm Jack Fucking Bauer for god's sake!

AUDIENCE: Who?

TONY: I'm confused. And bitter. I'm bitterly confused.

JACK: You suck. Do your job.

TONY is apparently not as stupid as JACK THINKS he is.

TONY: You did something mean to George Mason! What up with that yo?

NINA SIGHS.

NINA: Tell him Jack.

JACK: NO! Tell him what?

NINA: Fine. I will. George Mason is a meanie head, so Jack reprimanded him and that caused his limp that Tony was talking about.

THAT'S not what HAPPENED.

JACK: That's what happened.

TONY FEELS REMORSEFUL.

Meanwhile, in MANDYVILLE…

MANDY: I'm suspicious and I'm not wearing a shirt. What is up with that?

MANDY hides an I.D.

MAN IN JEEP: Honk honk!

MANDY gets dressed.

MAN IN JEEP: Darn…

MEANWHILE in CTU…

TONY: I'm the jealous type Nina! Jealous I say! You love Jack.

NINA:…Are you done?

TONY tells a STORY about when NINA told a LIE. It's a bit like Pinocchio.

NINA: Seriously, are you done?

TONY:…Yes.

MEANWHILE in a CAR…on the ROAD…

ALLAN: I have this whiny bitch just where I want her. Bwahahahahaha!

TERI: La la la, innocent.

TERI'S PHONE RINGS.

TERI: Hellooooo.

JACK: Where's my daughter?!?!?!?!

TERI: She's my daughter too you know.

JACK: …..

TERI: Well, I got to go because I want to try out the bed with Allan.

JACK: Ok, have fun sweetheart.

TERI and ALLAN make their way inside.

MEANWHILE in the MYSTERIOUS-VAN-WITH-THE-BLUE-LIGHT-and-LOUD-MUSIC

JANET: I don't feel good…

KIM: Janet doesn't feel good Dan!

DAN: I didn't give her nothing she didn't want. Because you know every sophomore in high school wants a roofie!

KIM: Surprise! My dad's not dead!

RICK: WTF?!

KIM: I lied. Bwahahaha.

DAN: You should have drugged her. That makes the kidnapping easier.

KIM continues WHINING.

RICK: Shuddup.

MEANWHILE, in some MYSTERIOUS BUILDING.

WALSH: Hello again!

SCOTT BAYLOR: I'm a family man. I quit. I'm not playing Jack Bauer anymore. It's not fun.

SCOTT gets SHOT.

WALSH: Scott, you take the fun out of everything.

WALSH gets SHOT.

WALSH: I'm not going to die because I have to give a plot point to Jack Bauer.

IN C.T.U

JACK'S CELL PHONE: Ring ring.

JACK: TERI! YOU'RE CALLING ME!

WALSH: No, sorry.

JACK: Damn it!

COLLEGE KIDS: Drink.

WALSH: Help me! I have a plot point!

JACK: A plot point? I'm on my way!

And it's JACK to the RESCUE. However, he still has time to call his WIFE.

TERI: Hiya Jack, we're not doing nothing…

ALLAN: Tell him I said hi.

TERI: Allan says hi.

And so ends another pointless PHONE CALL.

DAN'S VAN

RICK: We're good guys.

KIM: You suck.

JANET starts CHOKING.

DAN: Don't be a bitch Rick.

MEANWHILE in the PALMER HOTEL

SHERRY: The kids decided to get pizza.

DAVID: I hope they got me something.

SHERRY: The most important day of your life is coming soon.

DAVID: The second most important day of my life darling.

SHERRY: What's the first important?

DAVID: The day I married you sweetheart!

SHERRY: I'm sorry David. I meant the most important day of _my _life.

MANDYVILLE

MANDY: I'm in a jeep.

IRA: I'm on the phone.

MANDY: I'm not that evil you see. Yeah, I blew up a plane, but I didn't do it because I was bored. I did it because I was being paid. Big incentive.

IRA GETS OFF THE PHONE.

IRA: What you doing this summer?

MANDY: Shut up.

MEANWHILE, in DUNLOP PLAZA

JACK: Hello, Richard! Let me just yell for you at the top of my voice!

NINA: Blah blah, secure line.

TONY: Eavesdropper!

LATER…

WALSH: JACK! HEEEEEELLLLLLP!

JACK: RICHARD! I'M COMING!!!!

THE MEN CHASING RICHARD: Hm, I wonder where they are…

JACK and RICHARD talk about CONSPIRACIES and all the JAZZ. Then they RUSH off to go do IMPORTANT STUFF whilst RUNNING for their LIVES. CTU people do that A LOT. Don't you feel SAFE with them at your back?

IN MANDY'S LIFE…

JONATHAN WALKS IN on HALF-NAKED MANDY!

JONATHAN: Haha…

MANDY: Wow, you look like Martin Belkin.

JONATHAN: Thanks… thanks a lot.

MANDY: You're gonna kill David Palmer!

AUDIENCE: OH MY GOSH! SUB-PLOT!

MEANWHILE, in JACK BAUER-VILLE

MORE FUN WITH R AND J.

JACK: Let's be super secret! We can play spy!

WALSH: Do-do-dooo.

JACK: I spy with my little eye…something thumb shaped.

WALSH: Oh boy! Um, a…eh, so hard…a pear?

JACK: Yes! Wait, no, never mind. It's a thumb!

JACK takes said thumb for his own.

AUDIENCE: Theft!

AUTHOR of the LONGEST PARODY OF MY LIFE: Why the heck did the transcript writer give a sort of important character the wrong name?

IN MANDYVILLE

BRIGET: Vroom vroom.

IRA: I.D! I.D!

BRIGET: Here it is!

MANDY: Yeah, that doesn't look like what I stole earlier…

In the FURNITURE STORE

TERI: I found a work schedule! Yay me! I shall call Jack! Oh, never mind. He turned his cell off. What the flip?

PALMER HOTEL

KEITH and NICOLE: Hi! We're the elusive Palmer children!

KEITH: I love Green Day.

NICOLE: I'm tired and I'm off to bed.

DAVID PALMER doesn't care because his cell phone rings.

DAVID: Hiya Carl!

CARL: Maureen Kingsley made a super secret phone call? Cool!

AARON PIERCE WALKS IN.

AARON: David Palmer is wanted…for nothing really. But we must protect him.

SHERRY: Why?

AARON: …Because somebody wants to kill him?

SHERRY: So?

AARON: It's his destiny to win this election.

SHERRY: Why?

AARON: They don't give me all the details.

DAVID: Tee hee, I'm escaping!

IN DUNLOP PLAZA

JACK: Richard! I can't let you get hurt!

RICHARD promptly gets SHOT a bazillion times.

JACK: Damn it!

COLLEGE STUDENTS: Drink.

RICHARD: Take this plot point Jack. Cough cough. Talk to Jamie. She'll know what to do.

JACK is CRYING with the EMOTION of it all.

JACK: Anything else Richard? Sob sob.

RICHARD: Call my Rabbi.

RICHARD DIES.

JACK RUNS AWAY. He gets into his car. As he SPEEDS down the road, he calls JAMIE, because she'll know what to do.

JACK: I have a plot point to show you.

JAMIE: Ok.

JACK sends her the PLOT POINT via TECHNOLOGY.

JAMIE: Oh my gosh. That's MY plot point! But not anymore! It's Nina's now! Bwahahaha!

DAN the MAN'S VAN.

DAN: Call your mom!

KIM: No.

DAN BREAKS JANET'S ARM, because he's COOL like that.

KIM calls her mom.

TERI: Where are you sweetie?

KIM: I'm at a party! I'm sorry. I'm going to get a ride home soon.

TERI: Take your time Kim.

KIM: I love you!

TERI: Red flag! Red flag!

JACK'S CAR.

JAMIE: Yeah, I got that plot point name for you!

PLOT POINT SCREEN: Myers, Nina.

JACK: Gasp!

JAMIE: Tee hee.

The MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

JONATHAN: Bada boom bada bang baby!


End file.
